~Psalm 23~
Credits
Lenezoe
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October 2005'November 2005'December 2005'January 2006'February 2006'March 2006'April 2006'May 2006'June 2006'July 2006'August 2006'September 2006'October 2006'November 2006'December 2006'
_lonely me_
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1:10 AM
[mood] :(
[listening] tian hui - SHE
[doing] trying hard to study.....but my mood is affecting me....
[thinking] haiz
[quote] wat a christmas.....haiz....
a lonely christmas.....
a sad christmas.....
wo de tian kong jin tian you dian hui
wo de xin shi ge luo ye de ji jie
wo bu zhi dao ru he du guo jin ye
suo you de ding zao yi quan dou xi mie
1:39 AM
[mood] sad
[listening] tian hui - SHE
[doing] thinking
[thinking] my frenz
[quote] good things dun last.....
i cried on the cab juz now.....
could not control my tears.....
today's concert was a success.....
but i am not feeling happy.....
cos my frenz are leaving me.....
those who bother to care abt me are all leaving.....
yushu is getting married nxt yr and will be going to her husband's church......
sis leona will be flying here and there nxt yr and will not be leading the choir for next yr jan to jun.....july onwards dunno if she wants to come back to lead the choir once more......i really hope she would be back soon.....
pastor is retiring nxt yr.....and dunno if they will continue to stay in this church......although shimu can be naggy at times.....but at least she truely cares abt me.....
sis jia jing may also be leaving nxt yr.....although i noe her onli for a short period of time......but she really treats me well....
i cannot imagine wat the church will be like nxt yr......
i am really scared tt i may not enjoy going to church anymore......
ppl tt cares abt me left.....
tears fell again....
i am also disappointed tt my mum and sis din go for the concert today......
a few months later.....
i will be leaving ttsh too.....
the ppl there are really nice.....
i so she bu de.....
y izzit tt ppl ard me are all leaving me?
is it destined tt i will be alone in this world?
with nobody to care abt me?
:'(
regardless of wat.....
i wish them all the best in watever they do.....
God bless.....
:'(
12:53 AM
[mood] stressed juz now, but now ok le.....
[listening] xing xing zhi huo - SHE
[doing] studying....wat else....
[thinking] staph aureus....argh....
[quote] studying makes ppl tired and easily angered.....
a million thanx to denise.....
hu chatted with me juz minutes ago.....
u really cheers me up after stressing for hours.....
thanxie.....
have been studying for 6 hrs non stop......
except for dinner time....
my stress lvl is now 300%.....
my brain is filled with microorganisms.....
feel like crying.....
haiz.....
juz scared i fail my ct agn.....
if fail agn, ms ong sure scold de.....
then my exam sure wan dan.....
how ar?
my brain seems to be malfunctioning.....
and my memory is failing as time passes.....
can anyone save me?
12:26 AM
[mood] stress tiredz
[listening] lu cheng - fan wei qi
[doing] revision
[thinking] haiz
[quote] i am a small part of the world....so small until no ones even bothers.....
study study and study....
fun huh?
cannot rmb things...
my mind is going to explode soon......
i kept my schedule as full as possible.....
juz to keep me away fr thinking.....
and yet....
now i am so stress up.....
until i could not breathe.....
all these are to numb myself,izzen it?
then y am i feeling so tired?
falling sick soon i think.....
but hu ever cares?
parents onli noe how to scold....
sis onli bothers abt her own things....
friends? i dun think i have any tt i can confide to......
or mayb, nobody ever bothers.....
how i wish i dun exist.....
i am here onli to waste food and resources.....
like my parents says....
i am here to collect debts.....
so y did u even bother to bring me to this world?
as if i want to be here.....
nobody understands..... :'(
y i have to cry to slp night aft night......
1:30 AM
[mood] sad angry
[listening] tian hui - SHE
[doing] studying
[thinking] haiz
[quote] mummy is not a mummy when she dun cares.....
i juz wonder.....
if one day i dies.....
anyone would rmb me?
i think only my Heavenly Father would.....
tt is life....
sis leona told me to look at the brighter side of life....
wat is the brighter side?
to lie to urself tt everything is well?
i see my shadows in her.....
in front of ppl.....
i always seem so cheerful....
but....
hu really noes how i was feeling?
sometimes being cheerful is such a chore....
i seem to be decieving others.....
decieving myself at the same time....
Father,
Bless all the ppl ard me.....
those hu appear in and disappear fr my life.....
those hu helped or hurt me before....
those hu cares abt me sincerely....
even if they dunno u or they are unwilling to accept....
pls bless them....
Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. ~Matthew 6:12~
Amen
10:33 PM
[mood] tired sianz and watever u can think of
[listening] heng xin de heng xin - mayday
[doing] eng hw
[thinking] ct and wat else?
[quote] life sux....
went shopping today....
and spent near to 100 bucks on clothes....
aft tt went kbox....
yupps....
tt is all the happy things i had today....
ct on 30th dec.....
9 to 11 at dental audi.....
how ar?
i study liao....
but now it seems like....
argh....
it always happen.....
whenever i get stress up and panic.....
watever i studied is gone....
i dun wanna fail agn....
i dun want.....
so many ppl are expecting gd results fr me....
me myself also expecting gd results.....
but i nvr get it....
no matter how hard i try....
can anyone help me?
i dun wanna cry myself to slp everyday before the exam....
*sobx*
11:25 PM
[mood] :(
[listening] chun ni - harlem yu
[doing] trying to slp
[thinking] cp staff
[quote] tian xia mei you bu san de yan xi
today is my last day at cp.....
so sad.....
wun be seeing them for a month plus cos of the 2 wks break and micro attachment.....
:(
they are such a nice bunch of ppl.....
so she bu de.....
i will miss them de.....
and today's is terrance's last day.....
kelly is going to bts.....
so sad tt so many is leaving....
:(
went shopping with wendy aft sch....
bought christmas present for vanessa, reina, jessie and sis leona......
yupps.....
i am so broke now.....
still muz buy dress for peformance.....
still got cny clothes haven buy yet.....
and still own my auntie 150 bucks.....
and short of 50 bucks to pay for kumon fees.....
argh!!!!!
ultimate broke now.....
haiz......
1:20 AM
[mood] tired
[listening] bu xiang zhang da - SHE
[doing] hw
[thinking] too tired to think
[quote] zhi zu chang le
went dinner with sis leona aft choir pract....
and i am so proud of myself,
i actually finished a cup of apple-carrot juice....
haha
wat an achievement!!!
we tok alot....
then she said my good and bad pts....
good
-committed in everything i do
-hardworking
bad
-no disipline in daily lifestyle
-pessimistic
-not adaptable
saded....
now i realise my bad pts are more than my good pts.....
haiz....
1:12 AM
[mood] angry
[listening] wan jun biao mei - zhang feng qi
[doing] my hw later
[thinking] i dunno
[quote] i have a mum = no mum
i noe u love mei more than me....
everything also she gets....
i onli gets the scoldings....
fine....
i dun need u to survive....
u juz make me digusted of this so called 'home'.....
since u like working so much...
y dun u juz go and work and dun come back?
u can stay there for all u want.....
since ur frenz are more impt than ur family.....
go ahead....
nobody is stopping u....
and dun u ever ask me to help u with anything.....
since u love ur younger daughter more....
than ask her to do....
i am not ur daughter anyway....
10:30 PM
[mood] happy
[listening] da feng chui - xu hui xin
[doing] nothing
[thinking] of u!!!
[quote] the ablility of being happy is precious....
sch was fun today....
haha....
had a great time learning malay....
and making fun of myself...
lol.....
went to fish and co with mary aft sch.....
yum yum....
aft tt we went shopping.....
and chatting as we shop.....
:) tt was so fun.....
i very long nvr enjoy myself le.....
*but there is still some things i am unhappy abt....
nvm....
since she dun see me as a fren le....
no pt i think too much right....
my circle of frenz is shifting....
anyway....
i juz be hu i am....
and i dun care hu or wat....
those hu wanna leave go ahead....
i juz take it as nothing happens....
if u choose to leave....
like i say,
i nvr believe there is a real long frenship.....
no one ever proves to me.....
there is no such things as frenz.....*
i really enjoy myself today.....
thanx to the cp staff and mary.....
*muacks*
luv ya.......
12:47 AM