~Psalm 23~
Credits
Lenezoe
Archives
October 2005'November 2005'December 2005'January 2006'February 2006'March 2006'April 2006'May 2006'June 2006'July 2006'August 2006'September 2006'October 2006'November 2006'December 2006'
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11:54 PM
[mood] ok
[listening] du chang qing ge - selina & tank
[doing] mugging
[thinking] mon paper
i think yesterdays paper really affects me alot.....
wanted to start studying early in the morn.....
but somehow.....
i decide not to....
spent my day at work today.....
and planned to go shopping with izyan and nora on 2nd sept.....
when i got my pay......
woohoo.....i can't wait for tt day to come!
now is 2 something in the morning......
and i finally started mugging.....
started to have a little sense of urgency......
tml will be a long day for me......
i hope mon everything will be fine.....
2:24 AM
[mood] sad
[listening] wo men zen me le - she
[doing] listening to songs
[thinking] haiz
today's paper was horrible......
and i felt even worse when i recieve my test results......
i expect myself to fail.....
but not so badly.....
16.5 out of 60.....
haiz.....
i really feel like crying when i was outside the exam hall......
i was nvr so scared for the exam before......
when i recieve my test paper, my mind juz went blank......
thinking of how i score in my test.....
i knew i am going to fail it......
i really dunno wat to do now......
i din know wat happen in the exam hall......
i m juz trying hard to squeeze my empty brain......
i was controling my tears thoughout the paper......
i juz hope i wouldn't cry......
aft the paper i went home.....
feeling really down.....
ppl were saying how easy the paper was.....
my mind was blank......
thinking back.....
i could do nothing but cry.....
on my way home.....
i stop by the coffee shop to have bak kut teh.....
the i bought bread, egg tart, cake, bubble tea.....
my appetite had been really bad.....
but all thanks to the really bad mood i am having......
i stuffed myself up with food....
and the consequence is.....
now i m having gastric probs......
i hope i can juz die fr it or wat......
* my heart hurts, my head hurts, my stomach hurts *
12:52 AM
[mood] extremely down
[listening] ying hua cao - sweety
[doing] studying
[thinking] haiz
was toking to my friend on the phone juz now.....
aft she hung up....
my mum ask me abt my decision on whether or not to go uni.....
i told her more or less not going already....
i have too much to handle if i am going.....
she ask me if i were to regret and hate her for this......
i cried.....
i blaff her i wun.....
but.....i was thinking....
i had nobody to blame for this right?
i can onli blame myself.....
i knew i will regret it.....
but do i really have the choice?
can i hate her?
can i hate her for being my mum?
can i hate my family for being poor?
suddenly i feel tt i am studying so as pass my exams.....
i am studying for the sake of passing it.....
for the cert tt states ' dip in blt'.....
studying has nvr been so tiring.....
dreams are always dreams.....
the reality is always cruel.....
reality shatters dreams, dosen it?
fri will be exam.....
and i still have no clue abt the things i am studying......
i m tired.....hu's going to help me?
*hurt*
2:12 AM
[mood] weird, a bit down mayb.....
[listening] hua yan qiao yu - sweety
[doing] going to slp soon
[thinking] abt my paper
went back to bbk yesterday and today to cover zhixiu....
yesterday din have much of pts.....
but a stupid pt scolded me.....
hmph....he big la....i got nothing to say.....
not going to tok abt it.....
it make my blood boil....
today was very very very busy.......
i have nvr drawn so much bld in my entire life.....
i literally drawn non stop for 3 and a half hours!
so tired sia.....
but still.....something made me not quite happy today.......
but nvm.....i am not attached to bbk anymore......
oh ya....
thanks ivy, it was nice helping u at the counter......
i have kind of decide on not going to uni le.....
i facing all kinds of prob if i really go.....
so irritating......
mayb i am not destined to go ba.....
a dream will always be a dream.....
dreams are expensive.......
although i m very disappointed.....
but wells,this is life,izzen it?
i recieve my report on my lipid panel....
everything was fine......
and i got extremely high HDL......
kind of hoping tt i got some high cholestrol or wat.....
which give me a reason to be on a diet.....
and to worry abt my health.....
or mayb die fr it or wat....
but ya......everything is fine......
exam is starting in 2 days time......
i m very very not confident abt the first paper.....
which is genomics and proteomics.....
i feel so lost on how to go about studying it.....
and chem also.....
i have this feeling tt i am going to fail......
somehow.....
now i am absolutely deprived of confidence.....
have never been so.....
i dunno how to descibe the feeling.....
it juz feel so weird.....
i m not feeling too well.....
12:17 AM
[mood] haiz
[listening] hua dou kai hao le - she
[doing] rotting
[thinking] hmm....
women are fickle-minded.....
ya.....and tt is wat i am....
haha.....
had an RMIT tok yesterday......
and it made me think of studying in uni!
oh no.....
i tot i have decide not to go uni.....
but somehow.....
haiz....
oh mayb i haven gave up the tot.....
i told my mum....
but....
she said no....
she say i have to work to sponsor my sis......
but i really wanna go uni.....
y is God so unfair?
those hu are rich keep complaining tt they have to study and study.....
those hu are poor are not allowed to study too much.....
money money and money.....
y izzit money everytime?
can someone juz make me gave up the tot of going to uni?
the feeling of u wanna do something but u are not allowed to do is very irritating......
arhhh.....
fustrated......
i have cleared my tutorials yesterday......
finally i can rest now.....
and study hard for my exam......
*the tot of uni still haunt me*
1:13 AM
[mood] sad
[listening] li ren jie - jolin
[doing] work
[thinking] bbk polyclinic
tian xia mei you bu san zhi yan xi......
today is my last day at bbk polyclinic.....
so sad to leave there.....
a lot of wonderful memories......
Sharon and Zhixiu calling me "Abu"....
auntie sharon's nagging....
gladys's 'bullying'......
chatting with kim during lunch.....
ivy teaching me patiently on how to use labo and pmpa to order test and comfirm service.....
cleaning the tables every 12pm and 4pm......
doing ecg which i once hated most.....but misses it now.....
so much memories.....
some words to me by them.....
Gladys: ping guo xiao jie....muz study hard ok?
Sharon: Take care hor....
Ivy: Thanks.....
Kim: *hug* take care dearie....muz come back to visit us if u r free.....
Wai theng: take care.....
( Zhixiu was on urgent leave)
i wanted to stay a little later......
but i couldn't control my tears any longer.....
so i left quite hurriedly.....
was controling my tears on my way to sch.....
Maybe happiness dosen stay......
All the best to each and everyone at BBK polyclinic......
May God bless them always.....
they may forget me years down the road but i will nvr forget them ever in my life......
this will always be the best attachment i have in BLT.....
Always.......
11:14 PM